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Relationship Problem Solving | Dealing with Allegations in Relationships: A Guide to Conflict Resolution

Relationship Problem Solving | Dealing with Allegations in Relationships: A Guide to Conflict Resolution | Arguments and Fights. Maintaining peace in relationships.

Allegation is something which we all have in our lives whether flinging them at others or being on the receiving end. It is like a curse given by the curser. Interestingly it plays an important role when the scenario is a Boy-Girl Relation.

couple involved in argument
Let's begin the thoughts that "should" surround:

Scenario of Allegations in Relationships:

1) Suppose a boy blames his girl that she "flirted with boys" or a girl blames that he "misbehaved with her friends" in a certain discussion. Now, this gets vividly fixed in mind as an allegation probably for the rest of life even if the allegation is no longer put on that person. And we will refer to it as a "Witch" in mind for the rest of our thoughts. They take root even if the accusation was resolved earlier. These witches, often unsubstantiated or out-of-date, fuel frustration and unproductive arguments.

A witch depicting an allegation vividly fixed in mind

2) With every such event and every allegation hurled, the number of witches will keep on increasing knowing no ends, growing sense of resentment which will turn into frustration.

Partner frustrated and resentedPartner frustrated and resented
3) Now, with every subsequent argument or fight these Witches are going to show up, come out to defend you in fight, leads to off-topic comments, blunders and emotional outbursts. And the time comes when it crosses the limit, creates so much frustration and proves detrimental to the relation itself. Constant arguments and blame-games can leave scars, turning fights into battlegrounds of past grievances. This can be particularly damaging in romantic relationships.

Solution of Arguments and Fights:

We need to build our thought process in the following manner:

1) One thing is clear that something has to be done to reduce the number of witches in mind for the relation to survive.

Reduction in number

2) Allegations that are made generally in a fight or argument which remains relevant ONLY till that argument exists, should END along with that argument. Accusations are often situation specific. Address the issue during the argument; once resolved, move on.

Allegation start and end with the fight or argument

3) Make sure not to let the witch come out unless there is evidence which proves that the allegation still persists (say, the boy misbehaved in recent times or the girl flirts frequently). If there is no proof, it means that it's a witch and the allegation sustain no more and hence needs to be deleted from the mind. Recognize the witch as relic of past argument that shouldn't resurface in future disagreements.

4) The most important belief is that the curse no more exists after the curser has revoked it in his/her own mind. 

 Curse being revoked in the mind of curser

5) When the other person has no poison in his/her mind and do not feel the same blame now, it should be sufficient to delete the witch and never exclaim that you have blamed me for such and such thing. Believe that the other person has no longer feels the blame. This allows you to 'delete' the 'witch'. Stop dwelling in past, address current issues without revisiting old battlegrounds.

 

Hope the above thoughts reduce chaos and fights not specifically in a Boy-Girl relation but in any relation whatsoever.

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Why do good things happen to bad people? | Why good people suffer and bad people enjoy life? | Why life seems unfair?

Who should be our Ideal? | Whom to follow in Life?

What is the Purpose of Life and Soul? | Meaning of Life and existence.

Why to show Gratitude? | Importance and meaning of Gratitude.

Which is better, Single or Relationship? Pros and Cons of being Single and in Relationship.

How to care for someone? | The right way of caring.

Interesting stories to sort relationship | Relationship problem solving | Friction in relation.

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Why do people put allegations in relationship? | Relationship problem solving | Arguments and Fights.


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